How Times Change

All of that Sunday morning comfort went out the door with him. Old fears, old insecurities, were all wrapped up in that look he had given her on the way out the door. She let her head fall, staring at the screen on her phone as it blinked up from her lap.

She didn’t register for a moment that it was vibrating. When she did, the surprise had her dropping it under the bench. By the time she was able to fish it out, undignified as she grubbed under the seat, her own seat lifted, and the call was gone. She checked the ID.

Lucas. Of course it had been Lucas. She thought about calling him back, but hesitated, her finger hovering over the call button. In that moment, she heard the voicemail chime, so she switched over to it, pushing play and angry at herself because of the butterflies that went with it.

“Jade- I got your messages.” There was no hint of what he’d thought about them. One had been a quick check in to make sure he was ok after the way he blew out. The second one was more of the ‘I know this sounds desperate, but’ variety, and she wished she’d never left it. Lucas’s voice continued.” I can’t go into details, but something’s come up and I have to get back to Raleigh ASAP. I’m leaving right after this meeting.” From somewhere behind him she could hear someone, female, calling for him. “I’ll be right there Sarah.” Then, back to Jade. “I have to run. Jade I- – we di—I—sorry. —You and—bye.”

The garbled part of the message was echoing in her ears as she put the phone away in her coat pocket. She stared at the bright courtyard patio from under her shady fir. It only made sense. Jade Brawley wasn’t supposed to be complete- she was supposed to have a tabby cat, and spend her time doing exactly what she was doing. Important life changing research- real life had no place in that. She thought about the night she’d already planned in her mind, the things that she wanted to tell Lucas about the why of all this. All of it filed in the ‘irreconcilable data’ field now, along with Lucas who was going to be heading back to Raleigh and his ‘real’ life. The life that Jade didn’t have a place in.

She’d never been a crier. Even when she broke her leg hiking with her father up in Maine she’d kept it together. The tears that were brimming at the corners of her eyes didn’t seem to understand the rules though, as one, then two, shook loose, running diamond bright down her caramel skin. Jade wiped at them, pulling balled up tissue from a side pocket, angry at the break in her will. Before a trickle became a torrent, she stood and brisk walked back into the building, blowing by anyone who wanted to ask her anything.

Five minutes later she was in her Audi and headed anywhere but home.  

*****

There was no such thing as an uncrowded beach in Cali- the sun worshipers churned up the sand every day they could, making the coastline a soup of salty bodies, most of them looking like cover models.

Not today.

The big angry September clouds rolling in meant Old Sol was hiding. With him went the bikinis and the surf jams, replaced by the folks that could appreciate a quiet beach on a moody day. Jade had parked her sedan up at boardwalk and then legged herself, lab coat and all as far away from anyone she could see as possible. The big rocks at the beach head made perfect seats, cold and rocky, happy to help her hold on to her mood.

I should have known-The night and morning with Lucas had been a fairy tale, just like Kristen said. The only problem was Prince Charming had suddenly turned to Prince Business and the whole thing had disappeared in a flash of smoke and broken wishes. Lucas had accessed the vault, scaled the tower, and dragged her kicking and screaming back into the world of possibilities only to shut it in her face like the screen door that crashed on his way out.

Above her, the only seagull curious enough about the lonely cinnamon lady sitting on the bare rock sounded off. She squinted up, watching him circle and feeling like sounding off herself. In a moment he wheeled away, skimming the rising swells, and speeding further up the harbor, searching for whatever morsels he could find.

Her seagull friend was right. It was time to get back to business. Back to life pre- Lucas and back to the place where late night kitchen romps stayed where they should – in a romance novel. Lucas hadn’t said a word in his call about the night, the morning, the time between, any of it. She thought she knew him better, but really what did she know about Lucas Peters? The Gnat she’d known was long gone, replaced by someone who traveled in circles most people only imagine. He was a Trump, a Gates, one of them. It shouldn’t have surprised her that the whole evening was nothing more than a business trip foot note to him. She was a different type of person- disposable apparently.

Enough. At that thought she stood, dusting the sand off the white lab coat, and jammed her hands in the wide canvas pockets, leaning into the wind as she made her way back to the car park by the boardwalk head. There was too much in her life to worry over to worry over one more man. Tiger would have to do.

One more man. Aaron. Before him Jake. Others- all of them eventually leaving her life in much the same way as Lucas had-suddenly, and with a bang.

As she contemplated that, she felt the phone in her pocket vibrate. She never broke her stride as it sounded off, chewing up the steps back to the car, fueled on grim acceptance.

The day from that point became blur and muck. Jade went back to the labs, explaining her run out as time to get a clear head from all the number crunching and put her head down to her work.  The afternoon turned into a text based cavalcade, fact following fact. By five thirty her eyes were nearly crossed, but the work was done. When Kristen came back from Seattle, the trials could go ahead without a hitch.

During all that time, she’d turned her phone off, ignoring every call. It didn’t matter what Lucas had to say- she’d convinced herself already that  the whole insane night and morning that followed were a colossal mistake and that the sooner she left it behind her the better. The same grim piece of backbone that had marched her back up the beach was now steering her to her car, her house, her cat and home- alone like she intended.

That was the intent. For whatever reason though she found that she was sitting at her desk, sliding pages past on her tablet. Finally, as she watched herself through her own eyes she came to rest on Business Insider. She stopped, eyes fixed on the picture and the headline.

‘Search Engine Giant plays hardball- TonPay deal to be nixed’. The color photo was off a long wood paneled boardroom, old world dark, and around it were a dozen or more execs. Every one of the attendees had the ear of a different member all except one. Lucas sat in the middle seat, the only jacketless one of the bunch, gazing deep into the dark stain of the table. His expression was grim, and exhausted. Jade couldn’t pull her eyes away- it was a Fellini’s version of the Last Supper, with Lucas as the Lord Jesus, complete with someone- Stephen? – whispering in his ear.

There was a war on in Jade’s mind. She wanted more than anything else to trot out the long list of reasons why anything that Lucas had bought was paid for. She also wanted to make that lost in space stare go away at all costs. Willing herself to move down the page, she read on further.