Her Rich Mature Lover

“Trina you fear dating men because you see it as an insecure attachment and therefore just the thought of being in a relationship with a man “the unknown” it is quite anxiety producing for you. You find the novelty of the experience intimidating and I think that’s the buzzkill for you. The relationship always ends quickly for you because you over analyze everything before the poor overwhelmed man has a chance to respond. You don’t allow the relationship to progress naturally and Trina you are always very quick to nip it in the bud. How do you expect a relationship to last if you keep running from fear of attachment?”

No answer.

“Tell me this; if a remarkable guy should come along are you willing to give him a chance?”

“Honestly speaking Doc, I’ve been alone so long it would feel weird allowing a man into my life. I fear that I would lose too much of myself in a bid to please that man. It’s like I always choose the wrong men where I do all the giving and the man does all the taking. I’m tired of the stress that comes with those kind of relationships and I have made up my mind that I would rather be alone than put myself through another one sided relationship.”

“Seems like you have a challenge with one sided love. This is one of the issues that occur when you put yourself out there in the dating world. It’s painful to deal with because you find yourself caring about a lover who doesn’t feel the same way. You wonder how you always get yourself into these messy situations because when they do leave you feeling hurt, crazy for having the feelings that you have, and totally out of your mind. There is no right or wrong way to handle this situation however if you find yourself heading down this path you can easily check yourself by dealing with acceptance. You have to see the situation for what it truly is and accept it. Not everyone you are attracted to is going to return those feelings you just have to accept that and move on with your life. Women have a tendency to fall in love with a fantasy far from reality. You spin the web of the perfect person and get so wrapped up in it that when reality kicks in you are so cocooned you can’t get out and you may not love the real person at all because you didn’t take the time to know that person. This is where I encourage you to retain your independence when in a relationship. When dating a new person continue to do the things you normally do, even if you don’t like it. As these activities will not only give you peace of mind but provide a fail-safe should things not work out and you wouldn’t feel like you had wasted all your effort invested into a relationship that has been detrimental to you.”

“Last thing before you go Trina. How are things at work?”

“It’s funny you should ask that Doc. I’ve finally learned the lesson that my coworkers aren’t my friends.”

“What makes you think that?” The doctor flipped a page of his steno pad as he awaited her response.

“A coworker of mine who I have known for the past five years who I thought I was pretty close to since I have been working at that place, decides to leave the job and get married and doesn’t bother to invite me to her wedding.”

“Do you know why not?”

“I don’t have a clue. I thought we were pretty good friends we’ve been to each other’s house. I’ve met her parents. We’ve hung out together at the movies, shopping, after work jam etc. We’ve even discussed intimate topics such as past boyfriends and even s*x. Yet she went and got married and didn’t even think to invite me to the wedding.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I’m one quarter disappointed and three quarters angry.”

“Have you tried approaching her to get some closure?”

“No I haven’t. I don’t feel like she is even worth the effort anymore.”

“Well here is my opinion on the matter. I think one of the biggest social blunders any one can make is confusing colleagues for friends.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Look at it this way, while you’re both working at the job you have similar interests. However, when your coworker left she didn’t have a driving need to keep those same interests alive since her course in life has changed. I believe what you guys shared wasn’t friendship but collegiality. I like to be friendly with my coworkers. You shouldn’t completely write off the good time you had with that person after all she did teach you a valuable lesson. Sometimes we get pass the boundaries of professionalism when you hang out with colleagues and things go south. While it’s best not to be close friends with your coworkers, so that experiences like those can be avoided, it’s equally important to not be a total recluse. It is not going to be an easy task for you to do, but once you set up some boundaries, you’ll find that it’s not so difficult. In the long run you will feel better equipped to navigate the murky waters of friendship.”

Trina didn’t want to think of herself as a 29 year old spinster without family and friends but it is what it is. She had a tendency to be stubborn and loved doing things her own way. She had even given up on any hope of securing a marriage or a family of her own. As far a she was concerned she was set in her ways and doubted there was a man alive that would put up with all her antics. She found that most of the men she attracted nowadays were just plain unsuitable and unscrupulous. If it wasn’t hygiene issues it was mental problems. She had her own problems to deal with, she didn’t want the burden of anyone else’s.

So she devoted her life entirely to her work no matter how unrewarding it has been. It was not every morning she wanted to go to work. Some mornings she wished she could just relax and curl up in bed with a good paperback but that wouldn’t pay her bills at the end of the month. So she challenged herself to remain focused in hopes of climbing her way up the financial ladder of success at her work place. But for now she would settle with her duties as a professional secretary it was boring but provided a stable and steady income. It wasn’t glamorous but it paid all her bills and put food on her table so she really couldn’t knock it that hard.