Don’t Love, Don’t Lose

“Fine, but you’re too dirty to get on the bed. I’m bringing the box in here.”

Jasmine was relieved when the box passed inspection and the cat settled down in it.

What was she doing? She couldn’t take care of a cat. But she couldn’t just dump it back out, could she? Maybe if she’d been on the ground floor, but she couldn’t do it now. She really couldn’t. So maybe she could just keep the cat around until she could get it to a shelter…

Didn’t shelters kill animals that weren’t adopted? No, there were places that were not kill shelters, as well. She could find one.

Maybe first she could take the cat to a vet and find out if it had a microchip. Maybe she was a lost pet and needed somebody.

“We’re all lost souls, cat. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you have food and a place to sleep, at least. But you’ll have to get up early tomorrow, and I’ll have to find a good vet. Get some sleep. I’m not missing work for you, so you might as well get some sleep.”

The cat ignored her.

That, she gathered, was what cats generally did.

When Jasmine finally fell asleep, she had one of those dreams she hadn’t had in about twenty years.

She dreamed of her childhood – her childhood before Della.

She was seven, and the family was at the beach. Jasmine had always loved the beach. She splashed, and laughed, and she made her mama laugh, too.

Her mama. So beautiful, glowing with happiness, so in love with her daddy! Even at seven, Jasmine had understood that that was special.

They’d found a cat – an old cat, obviously very sick. Jasmine had insisted that they take the cat in. So they’d taken the cat to the vet, and the vet had told them that he was old, and would probably live for a year or two, but not more than that.

Mama and Daddy hadn’t objected. They’d agreed. They’d keep the cat, because he had no one.

So they’d taken the cat home, and Jasmine and he had been inseparable for the next three years. A year longer than the vet had given him.

A year fewer than her parents.

But in her dream, it was the ginger girl on the table, and Jasmine was seven. She was looking at her parents pleadingly, hoping they would let her keep the cat.

And they did.

Jasmine woke up the next morning early, and instead of her run, she looked up the closest vet with emergency services.

The cat was still sleeping.

When Jasmine padded to the kitchen after getting the address she needed, the cat followed, eyes on her, still a little wary.

“I’m going to have to drive you about four miles – I think that’s not bad as long as you behave – and then have you checked out. We can have some breakfast first. I’m afraid I only have coffee for breakfast, but I have milk. Do you think you can manage with milk and bread or something? Maybe crackers? Milk and crackers, because I don’t have any bread, either.”

The cat looked like it disapproved of how she lived, but didn’t make any comment. It didn’t seem to mind the milk and crackers, either.

“I’m going for a run. You can come with me.”

This was the moment Jasmine had been dreading. She hadn’t touched the cat yet.

She walked to the cat and crouched down next to it. She ran her hand over the cat tentatively, and was surprised when the cat arched and purred, welcoming the slight affection.

“Oh… Oh, you are friendly, aren’t you? You don’t look like you’d be friendly, really. Well, I’m glad you are. I am. You’re Lucy, aren’t you? You look like Lucy, with all that ginger hair. I think you’ll be Lucy, darling. Come on, let’s go.”

Lucy let Jasmine pick her up, and Jasmine went down. She had a plan.

“Luca!”

The man turned and grinned at her.

He was supposed to be the building’s superintendent, the security person, and the maintenance guy. He did everything.

“Well, you’ve found that scamp, have you!”

Jasmine stopped short.

“Is she yours?”

“She wandered in about two weeks ago. She’s been mooching meals off people. I thought she liked me best, but I discovered she’s been off two-timing me.”

“Well, she looks like she needs a bath.”

“She got one. She likes jumping the in trash.”

“I thought I’d take her to the vet, see if she’s microchipped.”

“I doubt it, but you go ahead and try.”

“I… do you think you could keep her with you while I go for my run?”

Luca nodded.

Jasmine was surprised by the slight reluctance she felt when she handed the cat over to Luca, too.

No, she was not going to form any attachments. Attachments led to heartbreak. She would have none of that.

Jasmine went for her run, pushing herself harder than she usually did. The dream had caught her off guard. She had thought that she was over them. She needed to be over them. She couldn’t keep having them. She’d let go, hadn’t she? She’d let go because she’d had no choice.

She couldn’t get involved with anything or anybody else. They all left you.

Her feet pounded the pavement, hard, as she ran on, and on.

She could outrun all those dreams if she tried really hard. But she had to go back, because Lucy needed to be taken to the vet, and somehow it had turned out that she was the one who had to do it.

What a sad state of things when she was afraid to let even a cat get under her defenses, as if she couldn’t even learn to love a cat!

But the thought of giving Lucy to a shelter just couldn’t be borne now. It couldn’t happen. Lucy couldn’t go to a shelter.

By the time Jasmine was back, and had hunted out a small laundry basket with a lid that looked like it would work as a cat carrier for the moment, she’d managed to get herself out of that feedback loop that only left her distraught.

She could handle this. She could handle this, like she handled everything else – calmly and rationally.

“All right, Luca, we’re ready. Let’s get her in the box.”

“Oh, she’s not going to like that.”

“Well, she’s going to have to deal with it.”

They managed to get Lucy in the box without too much damage, and Jasmine took a deep breath.

“Did you get scratched?”

She’d narrowly avoided getting scratched. She wasn’t even sure how she’d managed it. She usually avoided getting hurt by avoiding any situation with any potential to hurt her. This time, it was a miracle that she was unscathed.

“I’m fine. There now, ginger, I guess you’ve finally found somebody who cares enough to do more than give you some tuna.”

Care? No, she didn’t care, she was just doing what a decent person should do. This was her responsibility because the cat had come to her. That was all it was.

There was nothing more than that. There couldn’t be anything more than that.

But as Jasmine drove to the vet, she had a feeling that it wasn’t all going to turn out the way she planned.

Jasmine was distracted all day at work.

The vet had kept the cat for the day to run tests.

It was afternoon before she got the call.

“Is she all right?”

Jasmine couldn’t believe how much she wanted Lucy to be all right. She needed that stupid cat to be fine. This was why attachments were terrible. The feline attachment had insinuated itself into her life, and now look what had happened!

She was worrying about the dratted cat. She was worrying about Della. All she needed was for Rita to get one of her really stupid boyfriends and her cup really would run over.

“She’s got a fever, but it’s just a mild infection.”

“An infection of what?”

“It’s the cat equivalent of a mild version of a viral fever for us. It’s nothing to worry about – she’s strong and she’s gotten herself mostly well, but we’ll give her the medicine she needs to get her strong. She needs a few supplements, too. There’s no microchip. We did the titers, and she needs her vaccinations, but that should come after she’s done with her medicines. Altogether, she’s fine, but she’s dirty. We’re giving her a good bath and grooming. I’ll put it on your tab.”