Don’t Love, Don’t Lose

She had enough to squeeze them now, if she wanted to. Or better, she would turn over what she had to Anthony and they would do it together.

No more secrets between them.

Jasmine was done with secrets. They’d done enough damage. She was done living in fear. She was only now beginning to realize how much Sanders had taken from her.

The death of her parents had been harsh. How Thomas had left Aunt Della a year after she’d taken Jasmine in had been harsh, too. But Jasmine had never felt like a burden to Aunt Della, or unwanted to Rita. She had always known that she was loved. She’d been loved as a child, and even after she’d lost her parents, she had been loved.

All her life, she had blamed her reluctance to make connections on the death of her parents.

But that wasn’t all it was.

Sanders had done that. Sanders had used her love for her family and twisted it into fear. She’d allowed that despicable man to have such a hold over her, to influence her life so heavily. Her heart wept as she thought of all the joy she might have had.

Well, it was over. He would no longer have that power over her.

She would live, and she would love.

She would love her family. She would love her two silly cats who were chasing a toilet paper roll.

And she would love Anthony Malone.

No longer would she live in fear. She would grab life with both hands, and she would go on.

Now she would go for a run, then she would come back and have coffee that she really didn’t think she needed, and she would go and see Anthony before she went to work.

She would see him and tell him everything. This would be over, and then they would start. If things didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be because she was too afraid to put everything she had into it.

If he had to go back to New York, she would go with him. If he wanted her to, she would go with him.

She was a coder. She could find jobs. There were always jobs. But she would not stand on the sidelines, too afraid to take chances, too afraid to live. She would no longer do that.

This was done.

There would be a new beginning, and she would end this one on her own terms.

Jasmine had just gotten out of her shower when her doorbell rang.

Wrapped in her thick robe, she hurried to the door. It could’ve been worse timing. At least she’d had time to get out of the shower.

She opened the door and smiled, delighted and happy, to see Anthony standing at the door.

“Tony!”

“Jasmine, good, you’re home. We need to talk.”

“Okay. I was going to come by your office, actually. Did something else go wrong?”

He looked so good. She wanted to reach for him and kiss him again. They’d grown so close. She knew now that she loved him. And she had only kissed him that once.

Maybe later, after he came for dinner. Maybe this time, he could stay the night.

“No, nothing else has gone wrong. I’m sorry, Jasmine, but this isn’t working out.”

She frowned.

“What isn’t working out?”

“These games you play, the way you withhold information from me when you want to – none of this is working for me. This isn’t how I conduct my personal affairs. You push me away, and you’re far too prickly for me to get close to you. I’m afraid this is the end of it.”

“This is the end of what?” asked Jasmine, completely bewildered.

“Well, I suppose there’s really not that much to end. A few dates, a few dinners – it doesn’t mean that much.”

Didn’t mean that much? It had meant everything to her. The time she had spent with him had meant everything to her.

She loved him. She had fallen in love with him over Chinese takeout full of seafood, over walks in the gentle drizzle, over shared laughter and honest moments when they had both slowly let go of the past and let each other in.

At least, she had.

Had she misread everything with him? Had she been so inexperienced that she had read too much into it all?

No, he had told her that he wanted her. And even now, when he looked at her – she saw regret. She saw regret in those blue eyes.

“Tony, what’s going on? I don’t understand.”

Jasmine didn’t realize that she was trembling.

“It’s quite simple, Jasmine. It’s over. You’re fired. I won’t be seeing you again.”

“But… The work…”

“You will be paid in full. There’s nothing more to discuss. Have a good day, Jasmine. I wish you well.”

He turned and walked away, and out of her life, leaving her to sink to her knees and weep as she felt the loss that she had tried to protect herself from all her life.

Anthony sat his car and leaned his head against the wheel. He squeezed his eyes shut.

It was the only way to protect her. It was the only way to protect them all. Anything else would be a gamble, because there was a chance he might fail. He couldn’t take that chance.

It was the only way.

She would heal, and she would move on.

And he would always love her, his Jasmine.