Don’t Love, Don’t Lose

Chapter 10

Saturday – a day to relax and let herself forget about all the things she had been worrying about. A day to do things she wanted to do. She could play with her cats. She could buy them toys they would completely ignore. She could go out for a movie, or drag Rita out for a long and indulgent brunch.

Jasmine had tossed and turned all night, wondering what she should do. What could she do?

Now she had proof. Well, proof enough to satisfy her. Nothing she dug up would stand in court. But she didn’t care about that, not at the moment. Maybe the time for that would come, but for the moment, she had more to worry about.

She had to send a report to Anthony. She had to let him know what she had found.

But they had parted so strangely. She didn’t think she could call him anymore.

Her head was spinning. She’d been up most of the night, and then it hadn’t made sense to go to bed. She’d had coffee and gone for her run.

Lucy and Quinn were still getting along together, for which she was grateful. There were no more fights. She hoped that Anthony’s hand was fine. That arm had been scratched up pretty badly.

Richard Sanders. She’d done everything she could to put him behind her, in the past. She’d never pressed charges against him because she had had no evidence, and one mugged black girl didn’t make much difference to the police. She’d just gotten herself put back together, and she had gone on.

She knew, in her head she knew that Sanders was not the reason why her parents had died. But for all these years, he had been the ogre in her life. She had blamed him for all that had gone wrong.

That hadn’t been fair.

He was a very rich and powerful man. Now she had the chance to use another rich and powerful man to take him out. A richer, more powerful man.

But the thought of using Anthony like that was distasteful to her. She didn’t want to do it. She didn’t want to reduce what they had to something so utilitarian and cold.

They didn’t have anything anymore. The sooner she got used to that, the better. There was no point building castles in the air. They weren’t going to live happily ever after.

There was no ever after.

She was spiraling down. She could feel it.

Even the cats could feel it. Lucy had stayed on her feet all night.

The run hadn’t given her the rush it usually did, either. She hadn’t been able to get anything done the way she wanted to.

They needed to figure it out. She needed to figure it out.

But she needed time, too.

She needed Rita.

Sometimes, a girl just needed her sister.

Even Jasmine, who had lived her life trying not to need anybody, knew when to give in. So she did.

“Two cats.”

Jasmine grinned at Rita. She’d done the right thing by calling her sister.

“What do you think?”

“I think you have two cats.”

“I do.”

“And Anthony Malone helped you with the second one.”

“And separated a fight. I’d never before seen anybody mad enough to wade into a middle of a cat fight. I suppose they’re my cats now, but I would just have let them duke it out, to be quite honest.”

“That would be the sane response,” agreed Rita, and resumed surveying the two cats who were batting a ball along.

“I suppose they’re entertaining when Netflix isn’t working well.”

Jasmine nodded.

“That’s one way of looking at it.”

“Jas, you need to talk to me.”

Jasmine wrinkled up her face and considered.

“I think not.”

“No, seriously. I can’t be there for you unless I know what’s going on. I know the basics, but… Well, I need to know the whole story. Or at least some of it. Enough of it to know what’s going on, Jas. You’ve been upset and keyed up for days now, ever since Mama got you into this mess. Tell me what the hell is really going on.”

Jasmine knew she shouldn’t. But she had to talk to somebody, and she’d driven away the only person she really could talk to, and Rita was there. She was always there.

She really needed somebody to remind her that love didn’t always mean loss.

So she took a deep breath and started.

By the time she was done, Rita looked like she had, for once, been rendered speechless. It did make Jasmine grin, though she felt completely drained.

“So… So you’ve pretty much confirmed it. You’ve got the proof you needed. You know it’s him now. You know it’s Ruthless Rick now.”

“I do. But don’t call him that. It makes him sound like a super villain or something and that’s too much power. Call him Sanders. Like the fried chicken guy.”

Rita chuckled.

“All right, if you insist. And how do you feel about this? You made sure you stayed out of his way for years, Jas. Do you want to be back in it now? It was one thing when Anthony Malone hired you to do some digging in the dark. You know how to do that without getting caught, we all know that. But now everybody knows that the two of you are dating.”

Jasmine sat up straight.

“What? Who said that? We’re not dating.”

“Give it up, Jas. You told me last time that you liked him.”

“I did no such thing.”

“You didn’t deny it honestly. I know your tells. You can’t lie to me, remember? You like this guy, more than you’ve liked anybody else. Much more than you liked Ron and he was a good guy. I thought you might actually marry him.”

“I couldn’t.”

“I know,” agreed Rita. “You didn’t love him. Do you love Malone?”

Jasmine hesitated, and that hesitation told Rita all that she needed to know.

“Well, you’ve got to tell him, then. At least you can be sure that he’ll have your back this time.”

“Will he, though? He’s going to go back to New York. That’s his home, Rita. He’s only here to set up a satellite office. This is nothing compared to his operations there. Sanders is big in Maryland, but once Tony gets the advantage here, he won’t need to stay. He’ll go back home.”

“Are you sure? Did you ask him about that? Did you tell him that you love him?”

“I don’t!”

“All right, if you’re not up to facing it, then I suppose you’re not, though cowardice is not usually your way, Jas. And I’m worried, about more than that. You’re getting deep into this.