Destiny

“Listen to me,” said Jourdan, “I am not some selfless person who does not care about what he wants. I want you, I will tell you the truth on that account. And I want to be a father to my child. I am going to be one whether you are with me or not, because that is my right. But I do not just want that. I want you to want it, I want you to be with me and all of us to be a family together. This would make everything worth it. But the problem is… I cannot have that by force. I will have to allow you to choose it for yourself, because if you do not choose it then there really is no point at all is there? I won’t have what I want, I will have to settle for a shadow of what it is that I want. What I am trying to say is that I am being selfish by giving you so much benefit of the doubt. I want you to choose me because that would be the sweetest thing, that would be me truly getting what I want.”

Destiny smiled at Jourdan and said, “The fact that you do not realize how amazing that makes you is really very sweet.”

Jourdan laughed and said, “I am not amazing. Not by a long shot. I have had s*x with women and I have told them to go away. I have made them feel like garbage. That is the kind of person that I am. You see? I am not a good person at all. I am the sort of person that would hurt people. The only thing making me good right now is the thought of my own child, a child that needs me and my guidance. The only thing that makes me feel anything at all right now is the thought of that child having such an awful person for a father. You see? It is all selfish.”

Destiny only smiled. She looked at Jourdan. It was an intense look. He looked back at her, uncertain of how to act.

“Why have you become like this?” she asked, walking slowly forward, her hand stroking the bump that was forming in her stomach.

“I do not think I understand your question,” said Jourdan.

“I am asking how you became so good,” said Destiny. “I have never seen this. I have never seen anyone so inherently good. You honestly do not want anything from me, anything at all. You only want what is best for me and for our child. You see, I am a very cynical person. I do not believe in true love. I believe that we become attached to people and that eventually we can tolerate them enough that we are able to spend long amounts of time with them, but I do not believe that true love exists. But now I see you, and I see how you treat me and our child before it has even been born and I do not know… it seems unlikely that you do not love me.”

“I do love you,” said Jourdan. “Honestly, I loved you from the moment I saw you. Perhaps this is just the fact that you are carrying my child, but I do feel something when I think of the moment I saw you for the first time. I feel like something that had been missing for so long has finally arrived again, something that had been aching for my presence, something that I had been aching for in turn.”

“I do not know what to say,” said Destiny. She wanted to say it. She felt it for certain. She wanted to tell this man that she loved him back, and that she felt the same way about him. However, as much as she wanted to do this, she could not bring herself to. She did not know how she could possibly do anything right now except for say it back, yet somehow she managed not to say it. She remained careful. However, as she walked, she felt something inside of her melt. It was the part of her that was resisting him. Seeing him be so earnest, hearing him say those things to her, it was the most beautiful thing in the world to her and she really appreciated it. It made her feel… joyous. She realized that she had never felt joy before. She had been happy on several occasions but never joyous. She found this quite odd. How could this be? How could she have never felt joy before? And then she pushed the thought from her mind. She did not care about the logic behind it. All that mattered was that she was feeling something now, something true and beautiful. And that was all that she wanted in her mind.

She looked out at the green and sighed. She felt something welling up inside. She realized that she was crying. Jourdan held her from behind.

“What is wrong?” he asked.

“Oh nothing,” said Destiny. “Just pregnancy hormones, nothing to worry about at all.”

She turned around and placed her hands on Jourdan’s chest. She looked him deep in the eyes for a moment and then said, ”Shall we head back?”

“Of course,” said Jourdan. “Let us head back right now.”

As they walked, they held hands. It seemed like the right thing to do. She was comfortable enough with him to do something like this. However, she worried about the fact that she was getting so attached to him. After all of this time she was starting to feel like things between them might actually end up working out, and this was a prospect that appealed to her immensely.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?” asked Jourdan.

“For this,” she said. “All of this. For letting me stay at your place. For giving me so much time to choose. For constantly assuring me that if I choose to not be with you that will be a perfectly valid choice and that you would not hold it against me at all.”

“You do not have to thank me for any of that,” said Jourdan.

“I am going to anyway,” said Destiny. “Just try and stop me, you!”

Jourdan laughed and said, “I would not dream of trying to stop you at all. I am very glad indeed that I have you in my life. If all of this just leads to you deciding that you do not want to be with me, that you want to be on your own, well then I would honestly be glad that we were able to spend this much time together. And I would not change a thing at all.”

They walked on in silence. Destiny felt his presence next to her. She felt something deep within her, and she realized that it was lust. It was harder and stronger than she had ever felt it before. There was just something about this man that drove her crazy. She realized that it was the fact that he was so comfortable with giving her as much space as she needed.

When they got home, she turned to Jourdan and said, “Would you like to come back to my room? We could sit and have some coffee, perhaps. Maybe I can cook you something to eat for a change. I know that you have been working so hard to ensure that I am well fed. Well, at least let me return the favor to you.”

Jourdan smiled at her and said, “I would love to eat something that you cooked for me.”