Contracted To Love

“Who are you?” he asked. “Where’s my assistant?”

“She’s out sick. I’m Bernard from the mailroom. She asked me to sit in for her.”

David rubbed his temple. His assistant had probably said something to him but he was too frustrated for the information to register.

“What am I signing?” David asked as he grabbed a pen from his desk.

“Payroll and allowances. It’s all from the CFO. It just needs the final John Hancock before it’s taken down to accounts.”

David scribbled his initials and signature before handing the file back to Bernard.

“Thank you, sir.”

Bernard began walking out but stopped. He turned around and looked at David.

“Mr. Favre,” he said, making David look up at him. “I’m sorry for the intrusion but I would like to express my condolences for your loss.”

David nodded.

“Thank you.”

“I hate to sound like I’m imposing but I have to ask, are you okay?” Bernard asked and David exhaled loudly.

“It is of no concern of yours if I’m or not…and quite honestly, I don’t care about you being sorry for my loss. My loss? My LOSS? I didn’t lose my father like some change in the couch. The man died, you asshole. Taggert Favre is not fu*king lost. He is dead!”

It was only after David stopped talking that he realized just how loud he’d been. He was breathing heavily, almost panting, and he wanted to cry out loud, et out that thing that felt so heavy in his throat, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything. Bernard was just standing there, silently holding the file in his hand.

“I’m sorry…. I just….” David shook his head. “I don’t know where that came from.”

Bernard smiled and nodded.

“It’s okay. I understand. I’ve been exactly where you have been so, I get it.”

David sighed loudly.

“Who died?” he asked and Bernard smiled.

“It would be easier for me to tell you who didn’t die.”

David raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“My parents died in a car crash, drunk driver. It was a grisly accident…they were pronounced dead on arrival to the hospital. My grandparents took me in and one morning, my grandfather just didn’t wake up. My grandmother has a weak heart so, the death of her son and then her husband… it was a lot for her.”

David felt his heart go out to Bernard. How could anyone bear so much loss and still have a reason to get up in the morning?

“How is your grandmother?” he asked and Bernard shook his head.

“I never really know how to answer that question but she’s in hospice care. My aunt put her there and I try to visit her as much as I possibly can. Luckily the hospice isn’t so far from my place or work.”

David suddenly felt guilty. How could he wallow in self-pity while there were people like Bernard finding the strength to get up from bed and live their lives every single day.

“How did you manage it? The loss?” Davis shook his head. “How did you not crumble under the weight of all that death and loss?”

“May I offer you some advice?” Bernard started as he sat down. David looked at him and then nodded reluctantly.

“Grief can make us do ridiculous things. Unexplainable things… and it’s fine because grief has no language. That’s why so many people act so differently. You may feel the need to withdraw from everyone you love but really, this is the time when you need them more than ever. Your strength at this time comes from your loved ones.”

David looked at Bernard for a long time, wondering why he’d just said those words to him specifically. Had he been showing the divide between him and his wife so openly? Was that why Bernard had given that particular advice?

“Thank you,” David said in a soft voice. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that right now.”

Bernard smiled. He was a puny little man. Moderate height, thin and so pale that David found himself wondering if he ever got any sunlight. It might have been possible that David had seen him before but hadn’t registered his face in his mind.

“You’re very welcome,” Bernard said before he got up. “By the way, I should also let you know that it doesn’t get easier. It never gets easier, but you do get stronger.”

David nodded and forced a smile as Bernard walked out of his office.

Suddenly, David felt restless. He needed to talk to Michelle. He needed to do what David had suggested. Take comfort in the woman he loved. Perhaps that was the only way he was going to get through the pain of the loss. As Bernard had said, it wasn’t going to get easier. He was the one who was going to get stronger. Strong enough for him to live through his father’s memories without breaking down. He suddenly knew what he had to do. He had to let Michelle take care of him in his weakness and then maybe, just maybe, he would be stronger sooner than later.

He got up and practically ran out of his office. He couldn’t wait to get home. He needed to fix his mistakes as soon as he possibly could. Before it was too late. The usually short drive home felt so much longer that particular afternoon but finally, he was home. He ran out of the car and burst into the house. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the bags by the door. Was he too late?. Had his indecisiveness and doubt cost him the one thing he could be sure of? The one person he could count on? Was this the end of him and Michelle? The end of his marriage?

He was still asking himself a lot of questions when he saw Michelle at the top of the stairs. Her beauty blew him away at that moment as it had so many times before. Even in simple blue jeans and a white button down shirt, she still looked more beautiful than the models on magazine covers.

“Michelle,” he said in a soft voice.

“David.”

She began walking down the stairs, holding her car keys in her hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked as if the bags didn’t offer him enough information.

“Leaving. I’ve had enough of this bullsh*t.”

David shook his head and reached for her hand before she could walk past him.

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

“I’m freeing you from your obligation to me. The contract is, as of this moment, null and void,” she said in a whisper. “I don’t care about The New York Times or Favre Securities…. Frankly, I don’t care about anything. All I know is that nothing is worth this… emotional rollercoaster!”

She yanked her arm from his grip and walked to the door.

“Michelle,” David called out as he walked fast, but not fast enough. She’d already opened the door. He stood there as she called one of the house staff. “Please, wait.”