Being Harrison Bloom’s Girl

And she wondered what difference she’d thought it could possibly make.

Harrison didn’t seem to notice her misgivings now that the frenzy was over and cold, hard sense was returning to her.

“Leigh, I’m so glad you came back to me. I’m so glad you thought about it and decided that we’re better together. I’m so glad.”

“Harrison…”

“I don’t have the ring on me right now, but I can get it when we get up. It might take me a little while, though. You really pushed me hard tonight, my demanding little darling.”

Leigh’s heart started beating faster. She went completely still, but inside her, there was a storm. But not the one that had been raging when she’d come in, looking for Harrison.

No, that had settled.

“Harrison… This doesn’t mean that I want to get engaged.”

There, the words were out. They needed to be said, and now they’d been said.

“Leigh, what do you mean? You came here. You came back to me.”

Slowly, Leigh pulled away, and for once, she felt uncomfortable with her nudity in front of Harrison. She grabbed a sheet and pulled it up to cover herself.

Sitting up, pushing her hair out of the way, Leigh sighed.

“I know. I came because I missed you. Because I needed you. I was confused and needed to know how I felt. And I do love you, Harrison, but I can’t get engaged now. Please, don’t you understand?”

Harrison frowned, and comfortable with his nakedness unlike her, he sat up without making any effort to cover himself up.

“No, I don’t see why getting engaged would be such a big problem, Leigh. I’m not saying that we must hold a wedding now. We can wait for that. But you are committed to me, aren’t you? We made a commitment to each other. That’s what this always was. It was never just an affair. I love you.”

Leigh nodded, praying that he would be reasonable.

“Yes, it’s a commitment. Why do you need a ring to make the commitment real? Isn’t it real enough now?”

Harrison shook his head slowly.

“You’re trying to turn it around on me, Leigh. It’s not like that. You have so many other pressures, and I understand. Being engaged, having that to hold on to, it would make a difference. I know it would make a difference to me. I don’t see why you cannot understand that it might make a difference to you, too.”

Leigh moved away a little and shook her head again.

“It’s too much, Harrison. Being engaged is… It comes with more responsibilities. I need you to be there for me, without making those demands. I know it’s not fair, but I need that right now. Won’t you please try to understand? Please?”

She knew she was begging, and she hated it, but what else could she do?

What option did she have?

“Leigh,” said Harrison, carefully, “why did you come here tonight?”

Leigh tried to find the right words.

But the only words she had were the truth.

“Because I love you, Harrison. Because I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you wanted a break. Do you still want a break?”

Leigh took a deep, shaky breath, trying to find something to calm her down.

But he looked so intent, as if he were entirely focused on what she had to say, and she had a feeling that he might not like what she had to say. What would she do if he turned her down?

What would she do if he refused to hear what she had to say, if he couldn’t understand why she couldn’t give him what he wanted?

“I don’t want a break, Harrison, but I don’t want to get engaged now, either.”

Harrison’s eyes still had that look she had seen a few times before. He looked at antagonists that way. Leigh had never been his antagonist, not in any way that mattered, ever before. It broke her heart that he looked at her as if she was.

“Why not?”

Leigh closed her eyes for a moment, and turned away.

How could she make him understand, when she couldn’t find the words to herself, either? All the warmth and heat between them had dissipated. Now it felt like a cold business negotiation.

“It’s too much pressure,” Leigh whispered, finally.

“How is it pressure to make a commitment, a public and firm commitment, to me? To us? How is that pressure, Leigh?”

Leigh looked around wildly as if she could find a way out somewhere. But there was no way out.