Being Harrison Bloom’s Girl

Emily nodded.

“You’re not really in control of your life anymore.”

“Exactly. That’s exactly it. You know how Harrison is with control.”

Emily smiled.

“Oh yes, I know. I know how he is with uncertainty, too. He went overboard trying to make it all the same again, didn’t he? As if the changes in your life wouldn’t change your relationship, too.”

Leigh nearly wept with relief at finding herself understood so easily. She should’ve known that Emily would understand. Emily always understood.

“He proposed to me.”

Emily went still, before sagging and shaking her head in what looked like frustrated disbelief.

“You know, I have no idea why I’m surprised. Or shocked. Or any such thing. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing Harrison would do. It’s also the kind of thing he would do with the most excellent of reasons in his head.”

Leigh’s lips quirked in a half-smile.

“Something about giving us both something steady to hold on to while everything else changed. Suggested something like how after I graduate, everything will go back to normal and my life will settle into the pattern he wants. As if law school is just a little blip on our relationship route.”

Emily chuckled.

“Oh, that does sound like him. For a man who usually knows what you’re even thinking, he really screwed up.”

Leigh shook her head.

“I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if he really knows me, because I feel like a different person here. He doesn’t know who I am here. I can’t let him in here, because you know him. There’s something about him that makes every situation he’s in all about him. He doesn’t even do it on purpose.”

“People around him just respond to him without his trying. I know what you’re saying. Well, he screwed up, and you broke up with him?”

Leigh shrugged.

“I said we needed a break and ran away. Literally, I ran away. He tried to call me a couple of times, but I wouldn’t answer. I sent him a text, asking him to please respect my wishes – that I need a break from him and our relationship, and to focus on my life here.”

Emily sighed.

“That explains why you didn’t see my emails. You haven’t wanted to log in and see an email from him. Or not see one.”

She should’ve known that Emily would understand, thought Leigh. She always did.

“That’s about it. So… So, I broke up with Harrison.”

“Did you tell your parents?”

Leigh shook her head.

“They’re off on a vacation. There was some unpleasantness with some reporter who got a little too eager to get a story. I think they both need some distance. Em, this entire thing screwed up all our lives and now I’ve just left it all open like this.”

Emily shook her head.

“You can only make your decisions based on the information available to you. Some things are unpredictable, so your decisions have to change. It was the right thing to do then. Maybe this is the right thing to do now, and if that’s so, you should make up your mind and stick with it. Until and unless something unpredictable happens again.”

Leigh frowned.

“That’s basically just telling me that plans never work.”

Emily shrugged.

“Hey, it’s the wisdom I gained from the orcas. But if you broke up with Harrison so you can focus on school, you should do yourself a favor and actually focus on school instead of curling up in bed and barely getting by. Besides, you should be taking care of yourself better, too. You’ve lost weight, Leigh. You should take care of yourself.”

Leigh nodded.

Emily had a way of saying things as they were without fussing. If Emily was concerned, she must look a fright.

“Things have gotten on top of me a bit, but you’re right. You’re right, I should just focus on school and get it all under control. I have to let everything else go for now. Do you know the weird thing? I had just about convinced myself that I could handle it all when Harrison popped the question and made me realize that I couldn’t, because Harrison has never been somebody you could handle. He handles himself, always.”

Emily shrugged.

“He’s a strong man with a very forceful personality. And now you’ve got to move on and do what you promised yourself you would do. You can begin by showing me around campus, and telling me what life has been like here. I’ve got the day for you. After that, I’ve got to go and meet a few people about some promising research into this algae…”

Emily went off on one of her complicated explanations that Leigh had never been able to understand. Emily knew that, too. Leigh was aware that the little lecture on marine biology was mainly so Leigh could get herself under control and not fall apart, because Leigh hated falling apart.

Harrison wasn’t the only one who had issues with control.

But by that evening, Emily’s steadying presence had had the effect it always did. As Emily said goodbye, Leigh grabbed her in a bear hug and held on for as long as she could.

“I’m not going to go out of the country for a while. But if I do, I like your roommate. Hana seems to have a sensible head on her shoulders, and she’s got just enough nonsensical humor in her to make it palatable. I approve, so listen to her when you’re not sure if you can listen to me.”

Leigh grinned.

“I will. Now, drive carefully, and remember, you can stay at my place until you find something. It’s just empty now. It was a pain in the ass to move my garden, but I managed, so it doesn’t look nearly as nice anymore. Still…”

“No worse than many places where I’ve slept and lived. Now, take care of yourself, Leigh. I’m just a couple of hours away.”

Another hug that promised support and comfort, and Emily was gone.

Leigh watched her drive away and made her way back to her room.

Emily was right. Now that she had decided on her priorities, it was time to stick to those.

Enough of dithering. Enough of self-pity.

And there was one thing she hadn’t told Emily.

Leigh was guilty about that, too. She had always told Emily everything, but she hadn’t told Emily about Roger.

The mere fact that she had hidden something from Emily said a lot.

It said too much, and Leigh didn’t like any of it.

But she had made her choice now, and the choice didn’t include a man.

Not even if the man made her feel that flutter in her belly that she shouldn’t feel.

Especially not then.

But avoiding Roger Hutton was also not a solution. She needed his help, obviously, because that paper was stalled, and she needed to work on it. So, as a student – the role she was supposed to be focused on playing – she would approach her professor and seek his help.