Accept My Baby

“I’m not very sure. I mean I am late and everything but it’s not like I ever went to the hospital or anything. I just took a few of those home pregnancy tests and…yeah.”

“You must be stoked,” Emilia said excitedly but Amanda shook her head.

“I won’t lie to you. I’m not so sure what I am feeling. I mean, on the one hand I feel really excited to be carrying a life inside me… I mean, I have always wanted to be a mother and everything but this is not how I planned on doing it. I mean, I always pictured that Brett would be there with me every step of the way but now I’m doing it all alone.”

“Come on, Mandy, lots of women do the whole single parenthood thing and they do pretty damn well too,” Emilia said and Amanda shook her head.

“You are not getting it. I am not questioning whether I can do it, it is whether I want to do it. That’s the big question here. I mean, this is Brett’s child. The man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.” She paused and clenched her fist so tightly that her knuckles were white. “The man who cheated on me.” She shook her head and bit her lower lip again. “I seriously don’t know what I am supposed to do about this.”

“You said you have only known about this for a few days, right?” Emilia asked and Amanda nodded. “You just need time to get used to the idea. I know for a fact that most people don’t just embrace motherhood as soon as it happens. It takes a while.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard but at the same time, this is not just any baby,” Amanda said in a soft voice. “This will be a living reminder of all the sh*t Brett put me through. All those days I waited up for him because he was working late and nights I spent alone because he was out of town, working…” she shook her head. “This baby…what if he or she is the spitting image of his father? What do I do then?”

Emilia took Amanda’s hand in hers and sighed.

“When I found out I was carrying Hope, I had the same problem. I kept on wondering if I wanted a child that reminded me of years of abuse and I even considered an abortion but by the time I got to the clinic, all I could imagine was ‘what if that was my one chance’?” Emilia smiled. “As I sat there, I stopped thinking of what had been and began thinking of what could be and just like that I changed my mind and you know that Hope means the world to me.”

Amanda smiled. Hope was a darling. With her piercing blue green eyes and brown hair that made her look almost the same as her father, Emilia’s ex Harris. And just then, something hit her. What happened between her and Brett might have been the worst thing that could have happened but she was almost too sure that her mind would change when she saw her baby. That was just it. It was not Brett’s baby. They were no longer together. It would not be their baby. It would be her baby. The one person who would always love her unconditionally. She placed a hand on her tummy and without even realizing it, she was smiling.

“I think someone’s changing her mind,” Emilia said.

“I guess. But I am still not sure about this though.”

“I know. It takes a while to get used to the idea.”

Amanda took a long deep breath and shook her head.

“I don’t know what to do. I think it is still early and….” her voice trailed off and Emilia gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Give yourself some time, okay? It doesn’t happen magically. I mean I thought I was going to give up Hope for adoption…like, that was the plan from the get go but when I saw her, all I could think was…I made this. She is mine.”

Amanda nodded and sighed again.

“You know, that’s not all. I don’t know whether I should tell Rafael about it,” she said and Emilia shook her head.

“Okay, I’m a little confused. I thought he was just taking you around town.”

“He did offer to and I don’t mind…but he also asked me out to dinner and I really want to say yes.”

“You never cease to amaze me, you know that?” she asked and Amanda shrugged.

*****

“I should have kissed her,” Rafael thought as he leaned back against the poolside chair. He had not gone back into the party after bringing Amanda out there. He had not seen the need to. As a matter of fact, he thought of going back into the party like drinking orange juice after brushing teeth.

He looked at his now empty glass and the half full pitcher of lemonade and a smile played on his lips. That was the first time he had avoided drinking alcohol at his own party. Well, granted, he’d had some cognac earlier on but that was just it. He hadn’t had any more alcohol. Not after he began speaking to Amanda.

She was still on his mind. Everything about her. Her body, her perfect curves, her curly hair…her sultry voice that made him want to take her into his arms and just claim her over and over again until she said his name. He could not think of anything else except for that. The way her brown eyes seemed to glow innocently as he looked into them or the way her full pink lips seemed to call out to him. As far as he was concerned, she was everything. She was actually the reason s*x was created. He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Amanda. It was not just that he wanted her in his bed. He wanted her, period. He wanted everything about her. Her heart. Her body. Her love. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Her scent was still lingering on him. It was different. Mild. Gentle, almost like she was trying to be subtle.

Or perhaps that was what she was doing. Being subtle.

He was still lost in thought when he heard the sound of stiletto heels against the concrete pavement. He opened his eyes and suddenly the peace and tranquility he had been feeling drained off as he looked at Isabella Benassi.

“Well, are you just going to look at me or are you going to offer me a drink?” she asked and he forced out a smile. He stood up and she took a step towards him and looked into his eyes. She slipped a hand behind his neck and pulled him close to her, hugging him by force.

“Isabella,” he started in a soft voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, last I heard this was a party,” she said, smiling. “Or was the invite a big mistake?”

He bit his lower lip and shrugged. He had forgotten that some of the people in his contact list were just there by default. People like Isabella. He could not help but notice how different Isabella was from Amanda. She had layers upon layers of makeup and he could just tell that she had clip ons in her hair. It was way too big…it actually reminded him of a bad Kardashian makeup job. She had a shorter than short dress and heels that seemed to be a little too high for comfort.

“What is it, Rafael? Cat got your tongue?” she asked and he smiled.

“I thought you were in Cancun.”

She sat down and sighed.