A Fresh Start

Grace’s capacity for empathy was surprisingly large. It was part of what made her characters so real to her, why they mattered so much that every word written about them had to be perfect. It was why Grace got along with almost everybody. It was also why it had been a bit of a shock to find that the publishing industry was filled with so many narcissists.

Despite herself, against her own wishes, she had emerged from her words with an understanding of why Alan had reacted the way he had: he was attracted to her and he didn’t want to be.

She knew how that felt, now. She was far too attracted to Alan, and she definitely didn’t want to be now after that little incident!

But if she could understand that, even if she couldn’t understand the reason behind it, couldn’t she forgive him? She had invaded his space when he had been vulnerable. He had reacted to her before he could think better of it and make what he would consider a sound judgment.

It would be unfair to expect him to be happy about it.

So when he did wake up and lose that vulnerability, the wall he had built around himself came into play, of course, and she had been rejected. He would’ve done that to anybody. It wasn’t personal.

But that initial reaction had been deeply personal.

Brooding, Grace walked to the window and threw the curtain open. She could see lights beginning to twinkle. The streets were still alive. She knew they would become quite vibrant soon.

The lights gleamed and reflected off the water. There were still a few people – tourists like herself, perhaps – on boats, gliding along the water effortlessly. Grace had caught a closer look and seen the frantic pedaling and at times desperate steering those boats required, so the effortlessness was an illusion.

What was she going to do about Alan? She had feelings for him. She shouldn’t, but she was married to him. She couldn’t avoid him. Most of the usual ways of getting over a man were closed to her.

But he had feelings for her, too, and if he had let his guard down once, no matter how unwillingly that might have been, he could do it again.

Grace was already beginning to understand him, well enough to know that the best way to get him to drop those formidable defenses would be by disarming him – with humor. He laughed at the silliest things, once he forgot himself a bit. Grace found it enchanting.

So she would enchant him, too. As she watched the last of the boats making their way back to the shore, a grin spread across her face and mischief gleamed in her eyes.

She knew what she was going to do. She was going to tease him into taking a boat out with her.

So what if they had an event the next day? They could finish that, and then they could take in some sights, have a picnic, and pedal a boat along the waters. He would enjoy it, once he decided to let himself be a little bit silly. Maybe she could even tease him with a fake mustache and sunglasses as an obvious disguise that would make everybody stare at him.

If he thought this was over, he would soon be thinking very, very differently, decided Grace.

He was in for quite the surprise.

*****

Alan paced his room restlessly, like a caged tiger. He felt like a caged tiger. He felt trapped.

What had gotten into her? He had nearly ravaged Grace – his wife, Grace – in that room, as if he had less self-control than a savage wild cat. Even now, he could hardly believe that he had had the strength to stop himself and ask her to leave.

He had broken their terms. They were not supposed to have a physical relationship. The marriage was for convenience and companionship, not intimacy – not the physical kind, anyway.

He had betrayed her trust, and he had done it more than once. The first time, when he had pulled her into his arms and nearly made love to her.

The second time when he hadn’t made love to her.

He knew what frustrated desire felt like when it radiated from a woman, of course. He had felt it from Grace.

He had also seen the hurt in her eyes as he had asked her to leave. No, not asked her; he had demanded that she leave.

She would be angry with him, and the perfectly balanced relationship they had developed until then would be ruined. All because he hadn’t been able to contain his desire for that woman! Why the hell did she have to be so bloody gorgeous, he asked himself grumpily. How was a man to resist a taste when he found himself waking up from a dream about making love to that goddess only to find her right there, in the flesh, for the taking!

But he had overstepped. He needed to find a way to make it right, without hurting Grace.

He knew he had hurt her, badly. But selfishly, he wanted things to go back to how they were before he had made that monumental error of judgment.

He wanted Grace. But he didn’t want to want her. He couldn’t want her. He couldn’t risk that again.

Losing everything once had been hard enough, thought Alan grimly as he, too, looked out over the same view as Grace, but from a different window.